How to Handle Behaviors During This Time

4/23/2020

- By Cate Cofer, School Counselor

I have heard from many parents that their children are struggling with managing their emotions. It may be anger, it may be frustration, it could be sadness, or it could be hyperactivity. No matter the case, these behaviors may be something you have become frustrated with or overwhelmed with. Its ok to feel that way but I do want you to feel equipped to handle these behaviors when they arise without feeling the overwhelming frustration.

Kids need structure. Although they may buck the idea of structure and schedule. They need it. Set a schedule for your kids, let them know of the schedule and give them minute warnings when the schedule is about to shift. “You have 15 minutes before dinner,” “there is only 10 minutes left before bedtime.” This helps them take some ownership of completing tasks and it also allows them to start to learn time management.
Set realistic boundaries. Kids need boundaries. Set boundaries based on what your child needs. It may be that they cannot use black ink in the living room “I know you want to use that black pen in the living room, but that pen is not meant to be used in the living room. You can choose to use this mechanical pencil in the living room, or you can use the black pen in the kitchen.” Make the choices be something that is achievable and within the limits of your home. Another boundary that some of you may be experiencing is tantrums. “I know your upset, but breakable items in our home are not for throwing. You can choose to ball up a piece of paper and throw it or you can choose to go to your room and throw a stuffed animal against your bed, but we cannot throw breakable items in the home.” Mind you, every child is different so the choices and limits may be different. The best way to implement limits and boundaries is to validate the feeling, define the boundary and set 2 choices. If they continue to defy the boundary then validate the feeling, define the boundary again, set 2 choices and then set the consequence.
Give your child space. If they are feeling frustrated, remind them of their coping skills and let them take charge of their own emotional regulation (if they are mature enough). You want to remind them of their skills but ultimately, its their choice to regulate or not. Once again, it all depends on your child’s age and maturity level. If they are 3 years old, this will look different from a 15- year old. Setting boundaries are same across all ages but for a younger child you want to model coping skills and give them a chance to try to implement them.
Be careful what your rewards look like. Make the rewards based on the behavior and try not to make every reward around monetary gains or increased use of technology. Rewards for positive behaviors can be choosing to bake something together, choosing what’s for dinner, able to have an extra sweet at lunch, or being able to play outside of an extra amount of time. If the behavior reward is a monetary item, then use your parental judgement to make that call.

These are just a few ideas to support parents during this time of change and close quarters. Be patient with yourself, be understanding that these are unprecedented times and find grace with yourself. You got this! You’re a great parent!

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